alone, loudly, silently...

Right now...I feel empty. Wanting to be full again...full of ambition, full of smiles, full of hope...full of love. Right now, I feel these walls are closing in on me, restless, unable to proceed because I am too tired. Tired of feeling empty. This room is empty. All I hear is the loud silence and a nearby trickle of the fish tank hoping it will drown out the fact that I am here alone. and I feel... alone. I am quickly reminded by my inner self that I am never alone and that we are in this together and we argue, loudly, silently. Battling forces inside of both dark versus light, I say that God has forsaken me, my inner self says I am a fool and I guess I blame my ego for being so bold as to think that I am bigger than faith. That I am to big to follow and try too hard to lead and this is where I feel I have been forgotten. As I step backwards into the shadows out of the way , and remain silent. The silence is empty, no heartbeat to pump oxygen, no air, for me to breathe. I am suffocating here loudly, silently. Clawing my way thru any crevice of life that I can grasp. Inhaling deeply to survive. Painting on a smile and afraid to exhale because my tears will tell all there is to tell, as they begin pour loudly, silently....Can anybody hear me?

Back again with my tablet and a pen...

Okay, well....it's more like a laptop and my fingers (smh) modern day technology has got the best of me, ...however, quite often I still prefer writing, as it does something to my soul, something soothing & relaxing,.... I find that while I am on the computer, I am easily distracted by social media which in all actuality has interfered or hindered really being social. but anyway what am I really talking about here?...Perhaps "Old habits die hard" or is it a meaning of something deeper? subliminal? somewhere hidden between the lines like The Matrix? I mean what was that all about anyway? I have watched this movie 3 times in addition to all of the sequels still seeking for more meaning and still catching things I may have previously missed every other time. I don't believe I will ever figure it all out completely and like life, perhaps that is what it is meant to be. Enjoying the newness of every moment, every lesson learned, every new adventure. In our American society, we want to put everything in a box, categorize it, label it, stereotype it. Why?...Why cant't everything just BE? why can't we just BE? When people say they are seeking a deeper meaning in life are they saying their life is meaningless? or have we just not realized our purpose and potential? We want more but yet, we are so much more but remain so shallow. We want big cars, big houses, big bank accounts and bigger boobs, when will we ever be completely satisfied? So no, this post isn't really about anything at all...or is it? it could be about everything...and every one.