alone, loudly, silently...

Right now...I feel empty. Wanting to be full again...full of ambition, full of smiles, full of hope...full of love. Right now, I feel these walls are closing in on me, restless, unable to proceed because I am too tired. Tired of feeling empty. This room is empty. All I hear is the loud silence and a nearby trickle of the fish tank hoping it will drown out the fact that I am here alone. and I feel... alone. I am quickly reminded by my inner self that I am never alone and that we are in this together and we argue, loudly, silently. Battling forces inside of both dark versus light, I say that God has forsaken me, my inner self says I am a fool and I guess I blame my ego for being so bold as to think that I am bigger than faith. That I am to big to follow and try too hard to lead and this is where I feel I have been forgotten. As I step backwards into the shadows out of the way , and remain silent. The silence is empty, no heartbeat to pump oxygen, no air, for me to breathe. I am suffocating here loudly, silently. Clawing my way thru any crevice of life that I can grasp. Inhaling deeply to survive. Painting on a smile and afraid to exhale because my tears will tell all there is to tell, as they begin pour loudly, silently....Can anybody hear me?